


I'm sorry i love you

by undertalefruitsalad



Series: The Swapfell Brothers [8]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Swapfell, Alternate Universe - Underswap, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Developing Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Fontcest, Heartbreaking, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con, Sexual Coercion, Swapfell Papyrus - Freeform, Swapfell Sans, Underswap Papyrus, Underswap Sans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-22
Updated: 2017-01-21
Packaged: 2018-08-24 01:54:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8351740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/undertalefruitsalad/pseuds/undertalefruitsalad
Summary: The swapfell brothers had gone through their fair share of resets. Some good but most of them bad. They had hurt each other and had grown to accept that. But things have changed in the last few resets. Trying to work things out Sans begins to open up and so does Papyrus. But there is one dark secret that will change their relationship for good.





	1. I'm sorry

**Author's Note:**

> Finally their happy end ...
> 
> I think for this chapter teen audience is okay since there is nothing explicit, if you think otherwise just tell me.
> 
> The dark secret is what happens in part 3 of this series "Tell me you are happy!" I think you might guess what is going on without reading it but it makes things clearer.
> 
> And as per usual: If you would like to see more of how I picture them, including the comics, you can see it here:  
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/everythingundertalemystuff  
> But please be warned it is nsfw for several reasons so watch out.

Resets. 

They were a nightmare. Never knowing when they would happen, ripping the brothers out of their lives. Taking all they had achieved away from them.

That was what they had felt and thought for a long while. But reset after reset, mistake after mistake, failure after failure they had realised it was a chance. An opportunity. Not just for the kid to do it better but also for themselves. They still knew about what had happened before the reset and could learn from it. And so, with time and repeat, their relationship had shifted. 

Ever since Sans had been king, their way of interacting had changed. Sans had been increasingly open, more talkative than he had ever been before. He had come to realis that he could not simply ignore the emotions that were gnawing on him, he could not deny his past. The past that he was ashamed to tell Papyrus about. He needed to face it. And he needed someone he trusted to talk to. 

Before, Papyrus had been too self-centred, caught in the maze that was his own mind to realise what his brother needed from him, that in fact he did need something from him. But now he was finally capable of supporting Sans, listening to him and was willing to accept that his older brother, as strong as he was, had a weaker side. And slowly Sans was accepting that too.

It had started with little things. Sans told Papyrus how his day had been and asked in return. He himself initiated affectionate contacts. And he slept in the same bed with Papyrus. As time passed he admitted that Sans was actually happy about most of the resets because that always meant a fresh start, an opportunity to fix the mess he has created and to learn from his mistakes. Papyrus understood but could not agree to that. But that was due to their different fates. Sans had never have to experience Papyrus death. In no timeline. And both hoped for it to stay this way. 

Sans finally told him why he hated Grillby. 

He also admitted that he wasn’t always as sure as he seemed.

At the last confession he was incredibly scared that Papyrus would lose his trust in him. Because, who would put their trust in someone who wasn’t secure about what he did?

But Papyrus looked at him just the same way he always did, with utter adoration and amazement. And maybe with even more respect and admiration than before. 

Sans was opening up and with each confession he felt his soul lighter and equally closer to Papyrus.

Their days went by almost peaceful in a calm way. They knew when certain incident would happen in Snowdin and who to avoid in order to not get involved in petty rivalries or domestic rearrangements.  
They had started to build up a routine again. Even one of their oldest, reading bedtime stories. 

Back when they were kids Sans had asked Papyrus to tell him his favourite fairy tales before going to bed. They had kept it up even after they fled from the labs. For Papyrus schooling Sans picked books and stories Papyrus was supposed to read to him before going to sleep. Though Sans never went to sleep in those instances. But Papyrus did sooner or later and Sans would watch over him. 

 

“PAPYRUS, ARE YOU COMING TO BED?” 

Sans loud voice could be heard from his room before his head appeared above the reeling on the upper floor. Papyrus was working downstairs to repair one of Sans kitchen gadgets, or at least he tried, so far his attempts had not been successful. 

“i-i actually wanted to try to make it work again before coming to bed. if you are okay with it that is.”

Papyrus still wasn’t used to the fact that Sans had given him a lot more freedom in expressing his own wishes, so whenever he had to actually voice his opinion he still began to stutter. 

“FINE, BUT DON’T WORK TOO LONG. I STILL WANT MY BEDTIME STORY.”

There was nothing more added to this before the older brother went back into his room, leaving the door slightly ajar to signal that it was perfectly fine to enter for whenever Papyrus was ready. 

A little smile played around Papyrus features. It was so calm. So nice. He had never thought they would ever become like this. 

Concentration focussing on the gadget in his hands he tried his best to make it work. It took him a few tries to get it going but after he finally saw the scorched wire and replaced it with a new one the machinery worked just like it was supposed to. 

Gleaming happily at what he had done, he hurriedly walked up the stairs and into his brother’s room.

“I fixed it! It’s working now! You can use it again tomorrow.”

Papyrus whole presence filled the room and his joyful smile brought up a tender smile to Sans as well. He beckoned for Papyrus to come to him, already lying in his bed in his pyjamas and snuggly wrapped into his blanket. The tall monster followed the silent order and as soon as he was within reach of Sans, was pulled into a hug that was giving the other enough space to move in a comfortable position but holding him just right to let him feel the closeness of their embrace. 

“You did well brother, I am proud of you.”

Sans soft words tickled Papyrus sides and the younger could not stop himself from blushing. Sans had begun to praise him more but it still got to him every time he heard one. With the warm feeling within his chest from his brothers approval and the coolness from the immediate closeness to him Papyrus wanted to fall asleep this instance. But he was shoved away roughly.

“NOW GO AND GET ME MY STORY!”

“of course my lord, what would it be today?”

There was no time of musing, the answer followed promptly.

“I WANT A FAIRY TALE.”

By now Papyrus had made his way to the bookshelf at the other end of the room and was letting his eyes wander over the titles presented. But when he heard the request he turned around eying his brother in doubt. 

Ever since they had found that there were also other stories than fairy tales written in books Sans had insisted on reading those. Papyrus still read them for himself, so the upper rows were filled with several fairy tale collections, the old ones and the new, less brutal ones as well. He understood why Sans disliked them, but he was still fond of them and enjoyed reading them in his spare time. 

Hearing his brother wanted him to read one of those stories he still despised, after all those years, made Papyrus wary. 

“are you sure about it?”

“YOU KNOW I AM. I ALWAYS MEAN WHAT I SAY!”

“alright, so which story would you like me to read.”

“SURPRISE ME.”

Papyrus had the strangest feeling that this was not simply about telling a story and neither about choosing one. It was Sans opening up. Facing their past. But not just that. It was also a question if Papyrus would let Sans see something from his world. Something he enjoyed and that Sans wanted to be part of. And more, it was a sign of trust that Papyrus would choose the right story for Sans to care to listen to.

Papyrus appreciated the gesture, he truly did. But now he was forced to make a decision, one of his own and hopefully not failing his brother’s expectations. It took him a while to go through the titles of his collection and Sans waited calmly.  
Finally he made his choice. He was rather sure Sans didn’t know this one. At least they had never talked about it as far as he recalled.

As he made his way to the bed Sans lifted the blanket and shuffled closer to the wall to make room for his brother. When the other one was next to him he made him lay down so Sans could wrap his arms around the broad shoulders while still holding the book Papyrus was supposed to read.

It was a heavy thick book, a collection of various stories, myths and tales. 

“SO, WHICH ONE DID YOU CHOOSE?”

“brother and sister.”

The tale followed the fate of a pair of siblings, abused by their stepmother and her daughter they ran away into the forest. Thirsty they were in need of something to drink but all sources of water had been bewitched by their stepmother, whoever would drink this water would turn into a wild animal. At the last spring the sister could not hold back her brother and he turned into a deer. Even with this new development the siblings stayed together in the woods until a prince went on a hunt and discovered the deer and the sister. He brought the siblings into his castle and married the sister who soon bore his child. In a turn of events the stepmother and her daughter,driven by jealousy, disguised themselves as servants and let the queen burn to death in her chamber. Night after night her ghost would haunt the castle and look for her brother and her child. That was until the king finally spoke to the ghost of his beloved. When he did, she became alive, told who was responsible for her fate and the punishment that followed for the stepmother and daughter made the prior burn alive and the latter be eaten by wild animals. The deer brother turned back to be a human and they lived happily ever after.

At the last part Papyrus could not refrain from making a pun about the dear deer brother. Sans let him. 

While telling this story Sans grip on the book had tightened with each passage Papyrus read. He knew why Papyrus chose this story. There were so many similarities to what they had been through. It was hard for Sans. When they came to the point where the brother had been turned into an animal he just wanted to throw the book away; but he didn’t. And he was glad about that. 

It was painful. It was like reliving those times again. But he needed to face it again so he could finally accept that it was in the past. It was part of their life but it was over. Not even a reset would bring them back there. They had grown and just like in the story they had somewhat reached a happy end. 

Papyrus laid in his arms, snuggled into the blanket, eyes already closed. Sans was surprised he was still awake at all. Usually Papyrus fell asleep halfway through the story. They never got to the ending of one story because they simply started another story the next night. But this time he made it through. Obviously it was important for him to hear Sans thoughts to it because he asked with a barely suppressed yawn:

“did you like it?”

He didn’t like it.

“You made a great choice Papyrus, now get to sleep.”

He didn’t like it, but it was a good choice. Maybe, with time, he would come to accept this story. Luckily time was what they had more than enough of. 

He gave Papyrus a small peck on his teeth but the older was already asleep. 

It was always like this. Papyrus would sleep wherever and whenever he could in his eternal state of tiredness and with the security of his brother taking care of him but the only kind of rest he found when Sans was by his side. Sans on the other hand despised sleep. He was vulnerable and ever after his brother came into his life he had to watch out even more to make sure Papyrus would not do something stupid or someone would come and take him away. But feeling the calmness emitted from the sleeping figure always lulled him in so the only kind of sleep Sans got was when his brother was in his arms. 

As children they used to always sleep like this. But as soon as Papyrus entered his difficult stage, which was only a year after they arrived in Snowdin Sans had insisted on each of them having their own room. Only after their relationship had begun to be physical Sans had allowed Papyrus to sleep in his bed again. But even then it was only an exception. Not because he didn’t like his little brother around but because Papyrus always let his hands wander even when Sans said no. So the younger one was banished to his room again.

After Sans had gotten his crack from Grillby Papyrus had insisted on staying by his side and no matter what punishment Sans would inflict on him Papyrus stayed in his room sleeping on the floor to watch over Sans and be close to him. 

One night, after a nightmare, Sans allowed Papyrus to get into his bed. The older just held him and after that, Papyrus was allowed to stay. 

Thinking about this Sans realised that they had come a long, long way from where they started to get to this point now. 

It was a strange feeling to be this emotionally close, but being open with Papyrus felt good. He just wished Papyrus would feel the same and share whatever was troubling him so they could face it together.

\---

As much as the older tried to share his thoughts and feelings the exchange stayed one-sided.

The younger simply didn’t return the gesture. 

Sans knew he was hiding something. He had hoped with his own honesty the other wouldn’t shy away from telling him but he did.

One day they took a stroll through the woods, Papyrus going to his station and Sans working on his puzzles when the smaller skeleton suddenly asked the other.

“YOU ARE STILL HIDING SOMETHING FROM ME AREN’T YOU?”

Papyrus went stiff the moment he heard those words, meticulously avoiding Sans gaze.

“i don’t know what you are talking about.”

“OH DON’T GIVE ME THAT SHIT, YOU DAMN WELL KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT!” 

Papyrus stayed silent. And as much as he wanted to, Sans didn’t press the matter anymore. Papyrus might need more time. Maybe he didn’t trust Sans enough, maybe he had to sort things out with himself first. Whatever the reason, Sans would wait.

\---

And he gave Papyrus time. Sans had needed a lot of time himself so it would be hypocritical of him to expect more from Papyrus. 

And truthfully after some more weeks Papyrus began to talk. Only little confessions at first. Like that he had never told Sans his favourite colour was purple. Then that he had quite an understanding of different mechanics and was aware of the physics working outside of the underground. He then told him how he obtained that knowledge. 

By the time the kid arrived Papyrus had told Sans everything he had never dared to say. Be it either because he was ashamed, afraid or he simply thought Sans wouldn’t care. He had told him everything. Everything but one secret. 

And he knew Sans was aware that Papyrus was still hiding one dark part of their story. 

After meeting with the kid at the gauntlet of deadly terror, Papyrus made up his mind. He would tell Sans. 

Papyrus knew Sans would hate him. And he was certain Sans would leave him. He had every right to. That didn’t mean that he wasn’t scared. But he was also aware that he couldn’t keep that up. They had made so much progress and one way or another he would break the bond they had either by staying silent or by telling what he had done. 

So it was time. Time to put the cards on the table. 

With slow steps he walked into their living room, Sans sitting on the couch, watching TV. When he registered Papyrus he turned it off right away. He seemed to notice that there was something important. 

“you asked me what it is that I am hiding from you.”

Papyrus started with a shaking voice.

“do you remember the timeline where i asked you if you remembered the one before and you said no?”

“YES…”

Sans was sure, whatever it was that had happened the timeline before should be forgotten, otherwise his normally flawless memory would have remembered.

“the truth is: i have done something horrible to you …”

And he began to tell him. 

Everything he did. 

The more Papyrus told Sans the harder became his expression. His body becoming rigid. Papyrus saw the changes. He saw the way Sans looked at him. With disbelieve, or maybe wishful thinking. But as he continued it changed to shock, terror, pain and disgust. And realisation. Like Sans had known this all along, but only now it began to made sense. 

When Papyrus finished his story, Sans sat in silence, Papyrus stood in front of him, shaking, tears streaming down his face. 

Usually he was the one to judge, but now it was time for him to be judged and accept what the future would bring for him.

“Did you know I was suffering while you did those … things to me?”

Sans voice was quiet, devoid of any emotion. He was staring to the floor, one hand holding the other to stop them from trembling. 

Papyrus only nodded. With Sans still not looking at him he was forced to voice his answer and say it out loud. 

“yes.”

It was barely more than a raspy whisper. But Sans heard it. He seemed to crumble into himself even more. 

The silence between them was almost unbearable, thick and heavy hung it between them filling the air and made it harder to breathe. When the older one finally spoke again and formulated the second question Papyrus wished back for the silence.

“Did … did you enjoy it?”

This time Sans looked up. Facing Papyrus. Eyes empty, black holes. There was a silent plea, asking to tell him that it was all just a lie. But all hopes were crushed as Papyrus response followed. 

“yes. at first, but then i realised it was not the same with you being you. the person i made you wasn’t the person i loved.”

And he heard a little cracking noise, like glass was about to shatter. 

“So you only wanted to have me back the way I was because you didn’t have fun with me the way you made me. You just wanted me back for your own pleasure as well. Not for my sake.”

Sans voice was empty. Just like his eyes. 

He couldn’t grasp what Papyrus had just told him. Couldn’t believe, didn’t want to believe. 

But he knew it was true. Which was probably the worst. This knowledge had been slumbering within him all this time but he had been too afraid to see it. He had pushed it down just like everything else to avoid to deal with it. And now it was out in the open. And he had to face it. 

He was shaking. Looking at his hands he tried to organize his thoughts, figure out what to do next. How to go on. But he was at a loss. This was something he could not handle. 

Mindlessly he rubbed at his left ring finger.

“I gave a promise to you. I promised to stay by your side. Even in the worst case you would still always have me as a brother.”

Sans paused. Knowing the heaviness of the words he was about to say.

“I don’t think I can keep this promise.”

Papyrus only nodded. The nod more to himself than for Sans, because the other still didn’t look at him. This was what he had expected, this was what he had feared.

After the first shock and an absolute void filling his soul Sans finally registered the pain. 

Papyrus has crossed a line. He had used Sans, and now he was forcing him to act to this despicable revelation. He had violated him down to his core. 

He wanted to have Sans as his own?

So be it.

Slowly Sans hands reached inside his ribcage. He wasn’t shaking anymore. He had never been calmer.

When he pulled out again he held his soul in his hands.

Standing up he took one step towards Papyrus. Almost carelessly he flung the soul in his direction, still not looking at his brother.

Frantically Papyrus tried to catch the fragile soul and when he held it in his hands he froze. The light blue shimmering soul had a deep crack in its middle, little tears running from it along the surface. It looked like it was about to break apart any moment. 

Papyrus tried to catch Sans gaze but all he saw was his brother moving to the door.

“I don’t need it anymore.”

And with that Sans went out the door. 

He didn’t have his soul within him but the remaining magic would keep him together until he saw the kid. 

And however their meeting would end up.

It didn’t really matter. He would not come back either way. 

As Sans closed the door Papyrus tumbled to the floor. 

He didn’t cry anymore. 

He just blankly stared at the weakly pulsing soul. Stared at the cracks that became deeper with every passing moment. The net of little tears grew more detailed until the whole soul was covered in it. The once bluish shimmer had turned white. Each time  
Papyrus blinked the soul became a bit darker. 

He didn’t dare to move, whatever he did might break that fractured soul. So he just sat there. Holding it in his hands as soft and equally tight as he could. Soft as to not break it and tight to keep it from falling apart. 

Soon the souls shine had completely faded. And then he heard it shattering. A crystalline sound echoing in the empty room. Catching the pieces in his hands he tried to keep them together, but it was of no use, as soon as they got in contact with his hands they dissipated into dust that rinsed between his bones. 

Sans didn’t return.

He was the only victim in that timeline.


	2. for the things i did

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans soul is shattered. So Papyrus has to deal with being left alone again.

It was Papyrus task to judge the kid. No one was aware he ever did that, not even Sans. For Papyrus judgement to be fair he followed the kid around, always observing, always watching.

This timeline was not the first where the kid killed a monster. In fact: they had several times. Those included also a few where they would kill everyone on their way, even going so far as to actively look for new victims.

But this was the first time the kid killed only one monster. 

Where it only killed Sans.

And Papyrus patience was running low.

This was probably the worst possible timing for the kid to make this particular move.

So, when they would meet Papyrus in the Judgementhall it did not at all go as it usually did.

Papyrus had been waiting, hidden in the shadow of one great pillar. The smoke of a freshly lit cigarette filled the air.

The kid knew immediately.

Something wasn’t right.

Something was different.

The whole atmosphere was tense, even more than with the normal expectations of receiving judgement.  
Papyrus was angry. Angry beyond reason. He was hurt. He was heartbroken. He was lost. Which lead to his decisions being emotional and not well thought-through.

So when the kid came to him, awaiting his judgement, he did something he never should have done. 

He engaged them in a fight. 

And killed them. 

He was not sorry, not the slightest. The kid had it coming a long time ago and they would just load or reset anyhow so it didn’t matter if he broke out of his routine and went after what he felt like and got his little revenge.

But that was where he was wrong.

It did matter.

As usual, Papyrus waited for a reset to come, or at least for a load.  
But he stood there lighting one cigarette after the other.

And waited

And waited.

But the reset never came.   
And that was when he became anxious.  
If the kid would not reset Sans would not come back.   
Then Papyrus and Sans could not settle what had happened between them.   
They could not come to a conclusion.   
It would be just him.

Forever.

 

With a hollow look on his face and death silence surrounding him the smoked down ashes fell from his cigarette.

After a while, how long exactly it was no one could tell, Papyrus began to move. 

He took one step and then another before he stepped right into his room in Snowdin. 

With a huffing sound from his mattress he let himself fall onto it, face first and all limbs stretched from him.

He would just do what he always did.

Sleep.

And that was what he did. Even more than usual. He slept days away and each time he woke up and could not hear anything but silence greeting him he went back to his dreamless slumber. At some point when he awoke he started to think he might have just missed the reset and Sans was out on patrol. So he visited his brother’s usual places. He even visited the unusual places before it crossed his mind to maybe just go to Alphys and ask her.

But when he arrived at her home and asked where Sans was she went pale. As softly as she possibly could she told him he was gone, killed by the human. 

Papyrus only nodded. So it was still not happening.

 

He had lost track of time. Days turned into weeks and weeks into months and with each passing day Papyrus soul felt heavier and shone a little less. He just wanted to sleep until   
Sans was finally back. But he still woke up. 

And every time he did, Sans was still dead. 

What was he supposed to do? What would he do if the kid never reset? It would only be his fault for not playing by the rules. For not sticking to the scheme. He had his part to play and he had failed. 

Again.

With that he had failed Sans in every aspect he possibly could.

At this thought his numbness shattered his tears finally began to run free. 

This could not happen. It just couldn’t!

Whimpering, crying and in the end even screaming for someone to just make it better he thrashed onto his bed, paced though their home and shattered everything that came into his grasp until he was surrounded by destruction. Everything around him looked exactly like he felt. Messy, broken and abandoned. 

Breathing heavy he looked around. Clenching his fingers to calm himself he tried to steady his mind, to come to a clear thought. 

He needed to get out. 

The first place that got to his mind, that always was the place to go to when shit was coming down, was Muffets.

Papyrus was greeted friendly and with joy. None of the monsters hadn’t seen him during his time of grieve, so they were happy to finally see him up and around. 

But Papyrus was not capable to respond to any joke or friendly word. He went straight to the bar and asked Muffet for the hard stuff. 

That, he got.

After the first three glasses were emptied within the blink of an eye Papyrus asked to just give him an array of bottles he could choose from. 

Muffet was not happy about that but he was a grown monster, if he decided that was what he needed for now she would not intervene.   
So Papyrus got wasted. 

At least this he could do. Sans never allowed him to get drunk ever since he had really overdone it and in his alcohol infused state had been far too grabby with Sans despite his rejection which had ended in Sans breaking his right arm.

Now sitting there and breathing in the sweet, burning scent of the alcohol a sting of phantom pain went through said arm. But he didn’t bother to care about it. It was a reminder but it was not like he could DO anything to Sans now. Maybe the alcohol would help him forget. At least for a while. 

After he became drunk enough he made Muffet an offer she couldn’t refuse. Finally he was able to enjoy all the touches he had missed so much. And with trice the times of the usual amount of hands he was almost overwhelmed with how good it felt. 

But right after he was left alone the heavy emptiness inside him returned with full force.

Days passed yet again with the routine of visiting Muffet, getting drunk and, if he was not too drunk, messing around with her. Or in case she was occupied with another customer, he took pretty much anyone else. 

But each encounter was never enough to end his yearning for long. 

This routine went on for the longest time. 

One day when Papyrus started to roam around the house he also went into Sans room. The best he could do to be close to him. 

It hurt being in there. Smelling him and almost feeling his presence, being reminded of him by all the little artefacts lying around, but it was the closest he could be to actually have his brother around. 

He began to sleep in his bed.

And even though he knew how wrong it was and that he defiled his brother’s remembrances, he could not hold onto himself the day he looked the closet. 

Fucking his brother’s clothes was not where he stopped though. He began to ask his dates for the night if they would wear those clothes and pretend to be his brother; they refused him with disgust. 

 

Weeks passed yet again and Papyrus was beyond desperate. He wanted to see his lord! Whatever it took he would do so!

He just needed him. 

In his desperate thoughts he remembered the machine in their cellar. He also remembered where he could go with it. Within a hearbeat he was downstairs and made the preparations for his departure. 

He would see his brother again. One way or another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If everything goes as planned the next two chapters will be up in the next two days.


	3. but i need to tell you...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Papyrus goes to Underswap to see at least a very similar version of his brother. But nothing goes as it was supposed to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are ready to feel uncomfortable

It was not the first time for them to meet but it was still a rarity. Both skeleton brothers were surprised and shocked at the miserable state Papyrus was in and took him in eagerly. Especially Blue, who tried to take care of him the best he could. He offered food and shelter, stapled blankets atop of blankets and tried everything possible to give all the comfort the other version of his brother obviously needed. His enthusiasm was only overshadowed by the local Papyrus, who was as quiet as Sans was loud.   
Even with Papyrus being his doppelganger Swap was watchful. He didn’t trust the other version of himself and was quite eager to find out what brought him here in the first place so he could get rid of him as soon as possible.   
But all mistrust ebbed off as soon as he heard what had happened.   
The Papyruses had a talk while Sans was out getting more groceries for their new guest. After knowing the whole story sympathy and understanding made Swap open up and relax visibly. He freely offered for Papyrus to stay as long as he needed and they would try to provide all the support they could.   
Swap even went so far and gave his other self a comforting hug. It was weird at first. Hugging oneself. But the longer the embrace lasted the more they eased into another and soon it was as calming as it could be and when Blue returned he found the two skeletons fast asleep on the couch, still clinging on to each other. For once he decided to let his brother be a lazy bones, but only because of their visitor, who seemed to have been through a lot.   
After their talk the Papyruses agreed to not tell Blue why the other was here, which earned them an adorable pout.   
Even with those two being as open and welcoming as they were, Papyrus didn’t know how to take this whole situation. Although he had planned to get there he was still overwhelmed with how it all went.   
Each and every time it was weird to see those “better” versions of himself and his brother. They were always happy, joking around and not afraid to show any kind of affection towards each other. Though, as far as he understood they had not the same relationship as he and his lord shared.   
That was something Papyrus wanted to stay out of. That was their thing to deal with.   
But what really got to him was seeing this Sans.  
He looked nowhere like his brother.   
Sure, bone structure and face were the same but everything else was so decidingly different.  
How he spoke and phrased himself, even the voice itself was not as deep as his Sans’. The way he walked. The enthusiastic way he moved and worst of all those eyes.  
Those sparkly, starry eyes; shining brightly, full of hope. They even had the wrong color. They were blue. But neither dark blue, not the ice blue he was used to. It was a soft, calming babyblue.   
And he hated it.   
Papyrus had hoped with how similar the Sanses were he could maybe pretend that this blueberry was his lord. If only in his thoughts.   
But he wasn’t.  
Not at all!  
It was such a disappointment.  
\---  
Being around those two was comforting nonetheless. They were both very cuddly and their daily movie nights were soon the best part of the day for him.   
One night, when Swap had fallen asleep, Blue began to talk quietly.  
“I don’t know what happened to you but I hope your stay here is maybe a little helpful.”  
He didn’t really feel better but the distraction they provided was better than what awaited him in his own universe, so he nodded.  
“I just want you to know: If there is anything I can help you with to feel better, don’t hesitate to ask the magnificent Sans for it. I will try my best to provide anything you need for your wellbeing.”  
It was an innocent offer. A nice gesture and truly kind.  
So Papyrus smiled.  
“i might come back to your offer.”  
\---  
Just like that they had fallen into a routine.   
Swap spent the days sleeping at his various jobs at which Papyrus joined him sometimes. Blue did the chores at home, took care of his puzzles and trained with Alphys.  
Usually when it was time for the puzzles, all three of them would meet and do them together. Or, more precisely, the Papyruses would stand around while Blue eagerly calibrated and worked on the machinery.   
It was calm.  
Peaceful.   
Papyrus almost caught himself enjoying it.   
Enjoying himself without his Sans!  
That could not be!  
It was close to blasphemy to even smile without his lord being around. The other two tried to convince him otherwise but he knew better.  
His guilt gnawing on him was not the only problem Papyrus had to face.   
Since he was in a far nicer universe and had no one to have fun with and relieve himself certain needs built up to an almost unbearable extend.   
He took care of it himself but seeing Blue around each and every day was not helping that matter at all.  
The craving need for his brother, his own brother, lord and master to be there with him, for him, was taking overhand.   
Papyrus just wanted his Sans so badly to be around. Just a few touches… Maybe a bit more. He missed him so much. And the blueberry was in a way his Sans somehow, despite all the differences. The more time they spent together the more he realised that they indeed were rather similar. Just … his lord only acted similar to the way Blue did when he was relaxed or felt that nobody was around. Matter of fact was that indeed his Sans could be like Blue if he had the chance to.   
So it would not be wrong to maybe share a little intimacy.   
Blue had said to come to him for whatever Papyrus needed.   
And what he needed was Sans.  
One night, as far as they had night down here, when everyone was fast asleep, Papyrus found himself creeping through the quiet house, making his way into Sans room.   
Against his expectations the smaller skeleton was not asleep, even though it was the depths of the night. Instead he was sitting at the pc and surfing the undernet.  
The moment he registered Papyrus was in his room he turned around and looked at him in worry.  
“Is everything alright? Can you not sleep?”  
Sans voice was quiet. Of course, he was considerate enough to not be noisy when others were sleeping.   
Papyrus looked to his side, to the crane bed and shook slowly his head.  
Worried Blue stood up and hastily crossed the distance between him and Papyrus and took the others bigger hands in his own gloved ones. The touch of the familiar material made Papyrus flinch.  
“You can talk to me if you want. Or we could just hang out and pass the time.”  
Again Papyrus shook his head.  
“can we … would it be okay to cuddle?”  
Sans beamed at that.  
“OF COURSE! SANS IS THE BEST CUDDLER MWEHE”  
As soon as he had realised how loud he had become he slapped his hand to cover his mouth in a frantic move, like this could silence his words afterwards.  
It was cute.   
It really was hard to see how this version should be his brother somehow. But then again. His Sans could be cute. Adorable to say the least he just never showed it.   
Both went to the bed and Papyrus snuggled himself against Blue, almost suffocating the smaller skeleton. But the little one made do.  
To his big surprise this Sans smelled much more like his own than he had imagined he could.   
The bones felt just the same too  
…  
If he would taste the same as well…?  
Papyrus gave the bone within his reach a short lick, making the other squeak in surprise.  
Indeed, very similar … so … would his magic also be the same?  
Papyrus let his hands roam. Hesitant at first but growing bolder the more he explored. The moment his hand wanted to slip under Blues shirt he made him stop.  
“Don’t! Please… I know what you and your brother are doing but I don’t want that. I am sorry.”  
Blue turned his flushed face to the side and Papyrus was frozen.   
The blueberry knew about them. And he thought that … he phrased it like his brother was still around to do those things with Papyrus.   
“but … you said i should come to you for whatever i need.”  
Papyrus asked almost pleadingly. His huge puppy eyes were directed at the smaller one.  
A deep sigh left Blue.   
“Yes and I mean it! But -”  
“Then please! Let me touch you. It would make me so happy!”  
Seeing his friend in such distress and with Blue being able to change something about made the smaller skeleton cave in fast.   
“O-okay.”  
Was the meek answer. As soon as the words were out Papyrus began to touch and fondle those bones, making the others magic spark.  
Now, he wanted to taste it and only short time after he began to lick along all the bones he could reach before he began to straddle the little one and pushed their faces together in something like a kiss.  
Even for skeleton standards this was not really a kiss. But with all the stimulation Papyrus had done prior, Blue had materialised a tongue. That Papyrus took advantage of. To his greatest pleasure it really did almost taste identical to his brother’s.   
The kiss had started sloppy but soon turned rough and forceful. It didn’t take long for Blue to turn his head and shout at him.  
“Please stop it! That is more than enough!”  
At the emotional outbreak Papyrus stopped for a moment, but only a moment before he took the smaller hands and lifted them up. All resistance Blue was offering went futile against Papyrus raw strength.  
“No, it’s not!”  
The taller skeleton hushed against Blues face.  
“That is just the warm up. This can feel so much better.”  
“But I don’t feel good. Please let go of me!”  
He looked pleadingly at Papyrus and increased in his struggling which only earned him to be roughly pinned down by Papyrus surprisingly heavy body.  
Using the others shuffling to his advantage Papyrus places himself between the already slightly spread legs. It was a comfortable position. With only one hand occupied holding the little one down Papyrus other grabbed for the blue bandana and pulled it up. Even with Blues protest Papyrus managed to turn the neckerchief into a makeshift gag.  
He didn’t want for the little one to turn too loud and alarm the other Papyrus so he would march in on them. If this one was anything like his lord it would get quite noisy.  
As soon as the gag was fastened those large hands harshly worked on the others clothes, pulling the shirt up to expose the fragile, small ribcage where a shining blue soul rested and quivered in a frantic beat.  
“You don’t need to be afraid milord. You know that I am only here to please you. I know what you enjoy so just let me do those good things to you.”  
Blue had stopped struggling. It was futile. He only stared at that Papyrus, hoping he would come to his senses, hoping he would stop soon enough.   
He knew he could attack the monster above him but he didn’t want to hurt his friend. He was obviously suffering and delusional and about to do something he would regret. They both would. But maybe he would snap out of it.  
Any minute now.  
…  
He didn’t.  
Instead Blue felt pointy claws at his pants and was suddenly utterly exposed. His pelvis, spine and ribs free for the other to touch. And touch is what he did.   
Hard strokes, followed by soft caresses accompanied by burning scratches.   
When Papyrus finally lifted his head to look into Blues face he knew: the other wouldn’t stop. Not on his own account.   
His magic was already distracted by the unwelcome ministrations but Blue still managed to prepare a bone attack.  
Only for it to be blocked with ease and for him to see stars the next moment.   
Papyrus had hit him so hard in the face, he could feel his bones burning up. The tears that had been gathering during this whole ordeal were now running down the abused cheek.  
“DON’T do that Sans! You could hurt someone with it. We wouldn’t want that now would we?”  
Not really expecting a response Papyrus began to free himself of his own pants. Blue registered with shock that the others magic had already been fully formed and he didn’t even hesitate to rub it against Blues smooth bones.  
“I love how your bones feel. They are so soft and nice. But they are not good to play with. You should use your magic for those things instead of throwing bones.”  
Blue was terrified. He had never felt so helpless and violated before. And if he could not make the other stop it would only get worse! His whole body was shaking. The touches of the others magic made him shiver in repulsion.   
He didn’t want this!  
The tears had not stopped. By now they were a steady stream and even though he tried to stay tough loud sobs, muffled by the gag, filled the room.  
Somehow those noises got the others attention. This time it seemed like he really looked at him. Still, not seeing Blue, but a little bit more out of his frenzy.   
Blue tried his best to show his horror in his face. The other needed to notice how bad he felt, how much he didn’t want this.   
His usual blue stars had vanished and were instead replaced by simple circles which were shaking and unsteady, like that magic was about to vanish.  
The look on Papyrus face was unreadable. Like a blank canvas. Black empty holes as his sockets portrayed no emotion.   
Papyrus looked at those eyes. Nothing of them was like his lords. They were so huge and had the wrong color and it was just wrong!  
But the expression that was shown… it was his lord’s expression. This was exactly how he looked at him when Papyrus did something bad, when Papyrus was about to lash out. The look of utter betrayal, of sadness and disappointment.   
The look of fear.  
So much fear.  
Papyrus backed away. His magic dissolving a second later.   
He was about to do it again!  
He was about to break another Sans.  
What he was about to do had destroyed everything that he and his brother had built up together through all their years.  
And here he was. Doing the same again.   
It was not entirely the same. It was different. But the result would be the same.   
He let go of Blue fully, almost falling of the bed. He couldn’t manage to get up and only scrambled along the floor into a corner, hiding in the shadows.   
Papyrus empty eyes were widened in panic at the realisation what he had almost done. He pulled his knees to his chest, one arm wrapped around them, with the other he hid his face. Rocking himself slightly forward and back he tried to get a straight thought.  
He had almost raped this Sans.  
This Sans who had been nothing but good to him.  
Who had showed only kindness.  
Just like his brother.   
Sans had only done what was good for Papyrus, only ever cared for his well-being and he had treated him the worst he possibly could.  
He started to list all the things he had done to the one monster he claimed to truly love.   
How could he even think that he loved Sans with all that he had done to harm him?   
That must be the true reason why his brother never allowed Papyrus to say he loved him. Because he knew it was just a lie … a dirty lie. What humanlike creature would do what he had done to Sans. Even in his fairy tales no one had ever done as much as Papyrus had.   
So what if a reset would actually happen again? How could Sans stand being around him if Papyrus couldn’t even stand do be in his own bones?   
He just wanted to disappear, to be gone.  
“…rus?”  
Did someone call his name?  
“Papyrus can you hear me?”  
Oh … the other Sans was still there.  
“Papyrus it’s fine. I wont tell Papy. Please snap out of it!”  
Papyrus couldn’t believe it. Mere moments he had almost done unspeakable things to the little skeleton and here he was, sitting next to him. Trying to calm him down. Trying to calm HIM down!  
Yes, that was how Sans was.   
Defeated Papyrus dropped his arm, still not able to look at Blue.  
“i am sorry.”  
He whispered.  
“It’s alright.”  
Came the hoarse response from Blue.  
“NO IT’S NOT!”  
Papyrus screamed, making the other Sans shuffle back from him.  
“It’s my fault. Everything is my fault. I am such a mess! It was my fault that everything went wrong. It was not really the kid killing him. I don’t know what happened but Sans soul would have shattered anyway even without the human. It would have shattered because I hurt him, I hurt him so much! Too much. He had to break. And I did it. And I blamed the kid. And then I hurt the kid. And now I have to face the consequences of all I have done. And I can’t take it! I need to change it. I need to make it better. I need another chance!”  
He had started loud but it turned into a crazy mumble near the end. When he spoke the last words he looked up. Gaze clear and focused.   
“I just want one chance.”  
Blue came back, hesitating for a moment but in the end he placed a hand on Papyrus shoulder, before he cradled the other fully into his arms.  
Papyrus didn’t cry.   
He had cried enough. It never helped. He was done.  
He didn’t apologise for a second time. Because apologies were worth nothing.  
He only stayed in the other’s arms, hoping that his soul might show what he was not able to and came to a decision.   
If he got the chance to see his own brother again, he would change. He would do whatever it took to do the right thing. He would not hide. He would take on the responsibility.   
If Sans still wanted him around.   
Otherwise he would just protect him from afar. Make sure his life was good and free of worries. He would not try. If he only tried he would fail. He would do. He would make it happen!  
They didn’t speak another word.   
There was nothing words could do for them now.  
At some point they fell asleep.

 

When the next day arose Papyrus was gone.   
Sans didn’t tell his Papyrus what had happened that night.  
It was better he didn’t know.


	4. I love you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Papyrus returns to his own universe and is not the least prepared for what is about to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lets get down this path till the bitter end.

Back in his own universe Papyrus first went to Muffets. 

There he was greeted with incredulous looks and wild whispers and murmurs. Even Muffet herself lifted two of her eyebrows.

Unperturbed by that Papyrus simply took a seat right in front of her. She didn’t react immediately. First she let himself get seated and comfortable before she almost disinterested stated:

“… you have been gone for a while.”

Papyrus didn’t respond to that. Why should he? How was he supposed to explain the multiverse, she would not believe him anyhow. 

Reaching behind towards the shelf behind her to give Papyrus one of his usual drinks Muffet had another surprise coming when he lifted his hand in a declining motion.  
Neither of them said a word after that.

Muffet followed her tasks in preparing the drinks and instruct to customers to the rules, while Papyrus tried to get accustomed to his own universe again. Without the others noticing he let his gaze wander. Observed the monsters, their behaviour and watched their stats. 

At some point Muffet returned and looked at him with this undefinable look.

“… your brother is looking for you.”

That earned her Papyrus full attention.

“m-my brother?!”

“… yes, I think he is worried. Nobody has heard anything from you and a human is running around, randomly killing monsters. Not even Alphys was able to stop them.”

Papyrus only heard the first sentence.

There had been a reset!

His brother was alive and he was looking for him!

Almost stumbling over his own feet he jumped off the chair and teleported home, hoping he would find Sans there. But the house was abandoned. Everywhere was dust. It looked like nobody had been here in quite a while… no, that was not true. The fridge was   
still running and there were leftovers in it. But overall it looked like no soul had taken care of this house for a long time. Even Sans room looked untouched. 

He used his shortcuts to get to all of Sans traps, until he seemingly had searched all of Snowdin. Slightly out of breath he switched back to Muffets.

Without a greeting he simply said:

“Do you know where my brother is?”

“After he couldn’t find you he searched Hotland, Waterfall and even New Home. I would think he might still be there.”

“Thank you Muffet, I owe you one.”

So Papyrus went to New Home. But this place was so huge and filled with so many monsters he didn’t see a chance that they would be able to find each other here.

He needed to go logically about it. 

First thing he needed to do was to go back home where he could leave a message for Sans in case he came back. Since Muffet and her customers knew he was back around maybe word would spread and reach Sans in some way. 

So, next step:

Sans would probably not stay in new home for too long. It made more sense that he came back to Snowdin, checking on the spots where Papyrus usually hung out. 

So that was what he would do next. Since it was relatively close he decided to head to the entrance of the ruins. There he hadn’t searched before. Maybe the guy behind the door even knew something.

The moment he arrived he immediately saw that someone had been here. There were footprints on the ground.

The form and size of them were hard to make out but they could actually be Sans’; and they looked fresh! Maybe he was still around.

Hastily Papyrus began to walk the path back to Snowdin until he was running. 

And then he saw the familiar silhouette. 

He didn’t dare to believe his eyes but the closer he came the more apparent it was that the figure in front of him was his brother and Papyrus couldn’t hold onto himself anymore.

“SANS!”

He shouted out loud voice almost broken with joy. The call made the small skeleton stop in his tracks. Papyrus continued running towards him while his brother turned around in a fast twirl. 

His eyes widened in disbelieve, several changes of Sans’ eyecolor could be seen even with the distance between them.

Papyrus was smiling brightly.

But Sans wasn’t.

As soon as he realised who was running towards him he began moving on his own.

Then, before he could reach Sans, Papyrus felt the shift in the air, unmistakable sign of magic surrounding him and the next moment he was already blocking off bone attacks, which made him stop in his approach to Sans. For that short moment Papyrus was distracted with the attack, Sans had prepared the next and Papyrus was eye to eye with one of Sans gasterblaster.

He hadn’t enough time to react and was pushed back, falling into the snow by the sheer force of the attack. The moment he touched the ground new bones were pinning him down. He could smell the slight burn from his scorched clothes that had been damaged by the blasters beam.

Slowly, almost predatory Sans approached Papyrus and finally addressed him as well. But as he heard the words his lord spoke Papyrus would have preferred to be deaf.

“You ungrateful, despicable, disrespectful, TRAITOROUS LITTLE MAGGOT!”

With each step he accentuated the heaviness of his words until he had reached Papyrus and towered threateningly above him. 

“Where have you been?”

Sans asked quietly, dangerously quiet. The usual boisterous act falling off was always a bad sign.

“i-i-“

Papyrus didn’t even get a chance to respond properly.

“DO YOU FUCKING KNOW HOW WORRIED I HAVE BEEN? YOU WERE JUST GONE! SIMPLY GONE! EVEN WITH THE KID AROUND YOU WERE NOWHERE TO FIND! WHAT WAS I EXPECT TO THINK? I THOUGHT THEY HAD DUSTED YOU, BUT THEY DIDN’T. SO WHAT SHOULD I THINK? NOBODY KNEW WHERE YOU WERE! I THOUGHT … I thought you had left me for good…”

Sans shouted his words full of anger and desperation until they faded out at the end. His face scrunched into a mask of terror. When he met Papyrus eyes he avoided his gaze. Sighing he dropped himself to sit on Papyrus ribcage, still not looking at his brother Sans muttered:

“you left me… you said you’d wait for me…”

Before he fell into almost manic laughter. 

Papyrus looked up in horror. 

What had happened to Sans? Even during the time when Sans was king and things had gotten from bad to worse he had not snapped like that.

As the laughter slowly echoed into the woods and faded Sans seemed to get a hold of himself.

“Well, you never kept your word before, why should it have been different with THAT.”

He leaned forward, face to face with his brother, his arms crossed above Papyrus sternum.

“And don’t think I forgot what happened before the reset. What you told me. What you did to me. This is not over!”

A blinding pain went through Papyrus head, he didn’t know how but he managed to suppress a scream.

“Fair is fair, you broke me…”

The little brother saw a bright blue shine before the agony returned anew, only worse and heard in a whispered voice:

“Now I want to break you brother!”

The pain returned again and this time it felt like it split his head apart. Sans had used a bone to cut through his face before said bone stopped in between two of papyrus teeth. Impatient as he was Sans only pushed down harder until the bone got loose, and with that one of Papyrus canines. It still clung onto the upper jaw but was already bleeding heavily. 

Papyrus could taste his blood and magic. But as soon as the pain subsided he began to worry about Sans, because this was not going good. Sans didn’t look good.

He had a frantic expression and dark circles under his sockets. Papyrus was sure he could see some faint scars and his clothes were tattered. 

But what worried him the most was the way Sans looked at him. Hazy, in a way of madness he had last seen when Sans had become king, when he had violated Papyrus. He couldn’t let it happen again. He couldn’t let his brother break again. 

“you want to break me? that is all right, just go ahead.”

Sans looked almost amused when he registered what Papyrus said.

“I CERTAINLY DON’T NEED YOUR PERMISSION FOR THAT!”

The elder growled and then firm hands took a hold on the tooth and pulled. 

The shrill shriek that came from Papyrus was ear-piercing. Panting heavily Papyrus tried to get a grip on reality. The last time he had to go through this kind of agony was when they were in the labs. Ever since then Sans had kept him save and sound and protected, aside from his own punishments, which had never been as severe as this. 

A slight crack was growing from where the tooth has been sitting before. Now a deep hole could be seen instead. 

Curiously eyeing the piece of Papyrus Sans sat up again before he let his new possession drop into his pocket. 

The moment he returned to Papyrus his gaze grew hard and cold. His hand wandered to his little brother’s neck and gloved fingers slowly crept around the fragile neck bones, increasing the tightness of their grip with each second. 

Again Sans leaned downwards, this time to the side of Papyrus face. Just like before the voice was eerily quiet. But when he spoke now, it was exhaustion that could be heard clearly. Exhaustion and resignation. 

“How could you do this?”

There it was again, sadness shown plain as day. Sans grip around Papyrus neck tightened again.

“I have believed in you Papyrus. I have always believed in you. I have trusted you with all I am and you did this to me?”

Finally Sans looked up, eyes ablaze with his magic. Fury burning in him. Papyrus just looked back, not capable to give a satisfying response. Actually he didn’t feel able to give an answer at all. His silence only fuelled the anger in the smaller skeleton and the screaming tirade crashed over Papyrus with all its might. 

“YOU RAPED ME PAPYRUS! YOU FUCKING RAPED ME! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME? I THOUGHT I MEANT SOMETHING TO YOU. JUST … I DON’T UNDERSTAND. I’VE TRIED SO MUCH FOR SO LONG AND IT WAS OBVIOUSLY NEVER ENOUGH. WAS THAT MY PUNISHMENT FOR BEING A BAD BROTHER? WAS IT BECAUSE I COULDN’T PROTECT YOU WHEN YOU WERE A CHILD? WAS IT BECAUSE I LET IT HAPPEN FOR US TO BECOME LOVERS?”

At the last words the voice had become more desperate and sad than threatening. 

“AND NOT JUST THE RAPE. AS IF THAT WASN’T BAD ENOUGH. YOU BROKE ME! DELIBERATELY. YOU DESTROYED MY BEING, YOU DIDN’T WANT ME. YOU DIDN’T CARE FOR ME AS MYSELF. THEY TOLD YOU I WOULD BE YOUR DOLL AND YOU MADE ME. EVEN THOUGH YOU KNEW FOR CERTAIN THAT THIS WAS THE WORST THING ANYONE COULD EVER DO TO ME, TO STEAL MY WILL, MY INDEPENDECNE. YOU DIDN’T EVEN CARE IF THERE WERE ANY TROUBLES INVOLVED IN USING THAT MAGIC, IF THERE WERE ANY SIDE-EFFECTS TO IT!”

Sans was at the verge of tears. He didn’t cry though, No! He would not! But the pain, that incredible pain of treason, of broken trust was clearly written on his face. He turned away, not being able to face Papyrus. 

Papyrus on the other side had thought Sans would hurt him, shout at him but not this. Not this utter despair and sadness. 

“i am sorry sans. i know it was bad. i am sorry. i didn’t want to ever tell you this, but … we have developed so much and grown so strong together, i didn’t want there to be secrets between us. even if that meant losing you for good.”

At that Sans voice became cold and cruel.

“I HAVE FORGIVEN YOU MANY UNFORGIVABLE THINGS PAPYRUS, BUT THIS, THIS I WON’T FORGIVE. THIS I CAN’T FORGIVE. I WILL ALWAYS KNOW WHAT YOU DID AND THIS WILL CHANGE US. AS MUCH AS I WISHED TO THINK THAT YOU HAVE DONE IT FOR US TO BE HONEST, TO HAVE A FRESH START, I KNOW YOU BETTER. YOU DID THIS BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT WE WERE CLOSE ENOUGH BY NOW THAT I MIGHT FORGIVE YOU. YOU FINALLY WANTED THIS BURDEN OFF OF YOU. AND YOU KNOW WHAT? THAT’S WHAT MAKES IT EVEN WORSE. BECAUSE I WISHED YOU HAD NEVER TOLD ME SO. THIS WAY IT WILL ALWAYS TAINT WHAT WE HAVE. AND I NEVER WANTED US TO BECOME THIS.”

The previous desperation disappeared. Now he looked just destroyed. 

Carefully, almost shy Sans stretched out his hand towards Papyrus’ and let their fingers intertwine.

“How could you leave me? I thought you were dead! I thought you had left me!”

Still holding and by now clasping the hand in a firm grip, Sans let his body and head drop to hug himself into Papyrus.

Papyrus wanted to say something, do something to make it better. But he got no chance. Within the blink of an eye Sans mood changed again and he held another bone in his hands which he pierced precisely at the little crack that had already formed on   
Papyrus upper jaw. 

The tall skeleton howled in agony. 

Sans didn’t retract the bone, instead he moved it around in the wound before he threw it away and harshly pulled Papyrus into a painful, kiss. He lapped at the wound, tasting the marrow and magic seeping from it. With each new contact another wave of pain went through the younger brother. 

 

When he parted he looked deep into Papyrus eyes.

“I hate you.”

Another painfully forced kiss.

“I love you!”

A hard punch directed at the already abused spot followed.

“I hate that I love you!”

A Punch with a kiss afterwards were the reaction to that. 

“Don’t ever dare to leave me again!” 

Another punch and this time bones shattered and splinters flew around. Magic and blood seeping from the wound freely and coloring the snow beneath Papyrus.

This didn’t make Sans stop. 

His hits only increased in number and force.

Papyrus was willing to endure it. He deserved it after all. Even if Sans decided to punch him until he was a pile of dust, he would gladly accept it. 

The only thing really hurting him was Sans expression. A look of madness was clearly written on his face and he was so close to getting lost.

Then he remembered!

He couldn’t let it happen.

Sans had asked him to. It was his duty to make him stop. 

Sans had asked him to stop him, no matter what, if he lost it again.

Freeing himself easily from the bones pinning him down Papyrus lifted his arms to take a hold of Sans’.

Almost shocked Sans sat up abruptly. 

“HOW DARE-?”

But Sans couldn’t say any more when Papyrus interrupted him.

“Sans, come back to me. Safe me.”

The last two words were barely a whisper. But they were sincere and strong. He wanted to caress Sans cheek but the smaller one just swatted the hand away and leaned down instead. His finger dug into the freshly made wound of Papyrus to open his mouth. 

When he did, Sans delved into a hard kiss, their spit and his blood and marrow mixing up. It shouldn’t be as arousing as it was for Papyrus. The sharp, horrible pain that went through his head clouded his thoughts and he swore he had seen stars. 

When Sans finally parted they were both panting. 

In a raspy tone, Papyrus could not recall to have ever have heard it before, Sans said:

“You are mine and I am yours, we belong together.”

It sent shivers down Papyrus spine. Those were his words. Even though he was young and did not remember much from their earlier times he did recall those words and the meaning he himself had given to them.

Letting go of Papyrus Sans stood up. He took a few steps away from him, facing his back his little brother. Papyrus used the time while Sans was standing to get rid of the other bones holding him down and get up onto his own feet. 

Sans started walking again. For a second Papyrus hesitated if he should follow. When he did Sans said nothing. 

They walked home in silence.

 

\---

After that day their relationship changed. 

Sans kept Papyrus tooth and crafted it into a necklace. Papyrus knew nothing about it. Three days after the incident Sans came to Papyrus with a golden tooth. Without a word he ordered Papyrus to kneel down. 

The procedure was painful. Blood spilled again and Sans didn’t even try to go easy on him. But Papyrus did as best he could. He didn’t shed a tear, he didn’t say a word, he didn’t even flinch. When Sans was satisfied with his work he eyed it carefully.

When Sans leaned forward Papyrus closed his eyes in anticipation of more pain. 

There was pain. But only so slightly. What he felt more was a kiss to the wounded spot. Then he felt warmth flooding him. Sans healed him!

Sans had never used healing magic. Papyrus didn’t even know he could! 

In disbelieve he stared at his brother, who only looked back at him, expression blank.

“It suits you.”

Was all Sans had left to say before silence returned between them and he left the room. 

Shaking he lifted his hand to his new improvement. It stung, it felt weird, detached from him. But he would get used to it. 

And even though it hurts, he couldn’t stop a smile from hushing onto his face.

His lord had kissed him. 

His lord had complimented him.

He didn’t deserve it but he was happy Sans did it anyway. 

\---

The changes in Papyrus were most apparent. He didn’t touch Sans in any way. Not that the other would let him. He always kept his distance but strangely enough contrary to the way he used to handle this he still stuck around Papyrus. Far more than he had ever done before. 

He never let Papyrus get out of his sight. When at home he knew where Papyrus was and was never further away than the next room. But when Papyrus went to work, Sans made it clear that he would accompany him. Even during work he stayed nearby. He insisted on Papyrus taking a job in Snowdin instead of working for Napstablook. So he did.

On Papyrus part he did nothing that might go against Sans wishes. He did the chores at home, cleaned everything up and did his best to read Sans in any way he could. Which turned a little difficult since iron silence stood between them. Neither would be the one to say something if it was not really important. 

Papyrus abilities to read Sans were put to test when he realised that Sans didn’t close his door when he went to bed. They used to sleep together so, for them being apart now, and with Sans newly developed fear of Papyrus disappearing, to be in different rooms at night must be hard on Sans. 

So Papyrus decided to take action. 

One night, when he thought Sans asleep, he snuck into the room, made himself comfortable on the floor and fell asleep. Sans would be awake before him and if he had done wrong he would know the hard way. But as it seemed Papyrus had finally analysed the situation right and had acted accordingly. Because, the next day, Sans didn’t wake him up, didn’t shout at him for daring to enter his privacy.

The next night the door was open again. So Papyrus reassured Sans yet again of his presence and did that every night forth. 

Aside from that nothing seemed to get better between them. Or worse. Since they didn’t talk and Sans constantly avoided to look at Papyrus no exchange could happen between them. And Papyrus would not push it.

He was grateful that he was even allowed to still be around Sans. That was far more than he had dared to wish for. Far more than he deserved. 

The thing was: Sans wasn’t happy. Maybe he would never be. Because of Papyrus. 

But maybe Papyrus could do something. 

He could not make it right. There was nothing that would outweigh the wrong he did. But, maybe he could still make it better somehow. 

\---

Sans was not the same monster he used to be. He felt it more than he wanted to admit. 

The moment they stepped back into their routine everything felt wrong, out of place, like they were only playing their part. Well, that was what it was. 

Sans wasn’t sure what scarred him more, the things Papyrus had done to him or having thought that he had lost his brother for good.

To his own surprise he soon realised: it was the latter. 

He felt more than slightly uncomfortable being around Papyrus, but being without him turned him into a frantic, shivering mess. 

He wanted, needed to make sure Papyrus would not simply disappear. Would not simply leave him. Therefore the new rules.

But even with their newly developing routine they still spent their evenings together on the couch. Like they used to do when everything was at least remotely okay between them.

One of those nights, it had gotten rather late, out of nowhere, Sans began to talk.

Quietly, somber.

“The kid is truly good Papyrus.”

That was sudden and made Papyrus blink in surprise, but he didn’t dare to say anything.

“They didn’t kill me. … well they did but not on their own account.”

A long heavy pause followed.

“I asked them to… they tried to talk me out of it. But even they realised that it was better for me, I was already beyond saving so they did the best they could in that situation. End my suffering. …I am grateful they did.”

After those words Sans stood up. There was nothing more coming from him. That was all he said. He went to bed and left Papyrus alone with his thoughts. 

Papyrus wasn’t sure how to take that. It couldn’t be true, could it? Though… that would explain why Sans was the only one who had fallen victim to the kid that timeline.

 

Their new routine went on for several resets and as thankful as Papyrus was and even happy to be near his brother, Sans obviously wasn’t. And Papyrus didn’t know what to do about it. 

Talking could do some good. Not talking had always ended in disaster but whenever Papyrus tried to address any kind of subject Sans made him hush or simply left the room. It was difficult. So Papyrus made a plan. A gesture that Sans hopefully would understand. 

\---

It was the day Sans would have his fight with the kid. But Papyrus had made his preparations. Now he was standing in the foggy area at the edge from Snowdin to Waterfall. He was nervous. 

In the distance he saw the well-known silhouette appear and coming closer. Papyrus took a deep breath. 

Standing in the fog not all of Papyrus features were visible but it was not necessary. Sans stood only a few feet away. 

This could be a turning point. For better or for worse. But it could change everything.

When Sans noticed that Papyrus was standing in his spot he stopped for a moment, trying to make sense of the situation. 

Slightly angry he huffed and inched closer until they could see each other clearly.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? I NEED TO PREPARE FOR THE KID, GO HOME AND WAIT FOR ME.”

“The kid won’t come today.”

Sans eyes lightened harshly.

“WHAT DID YOU-?”

Papyrus interrupted him hastily.

“I didn’t do anything to the kid. They are nice this time and I asked them to stay in the inn for one more day because I had busyness to settle.”

“BUSYNESS? WHAT KIND OF BUSYNESS WOULD YOU HAVE TO SETTLE?”

Turning around a bit more Papyrus began to speak but the words wouldn’t come to him.

“We… you … how things are between us. I can deal with it. This is more than I could have thought to get after what … after what I did to you. But … you don’t seem happy. Not happy at all. You look exhausted and frustrated and I worry about you. But we won’t talk.”

He took a deep breath.

“And I do understand why. There is nothing left for me to say. There is nothing I could say. There is nothing my words could mean to you. So…”

Papyrus turned to face Sans fully. Slowly he lifted his hand, palm upwards. 

His bones were cold. He could barely feel his fingertips. It wasn’t due to his hands being exposed to the freezing air. His soul felt cold as well. He had never felt this icy.

This gesture was all he did. He would not force Sans. He would not need to explain more. He wanted to help Sans, he truly wanted to be there for him. That was if Sans wanted him to. 

It was his decision, his alone. 

He had to make so many decisions for the both of them in the past. But this one he would only do for himself. 

Papyrus waited.

And with each passing second he felt his soul grow heavier and his bones get colder. He wasn’t even looking at Sans. Instead he stared at the ground. He would just wait. That was all he could do.

He only hoped Sans understood. But he always understood, much better than Papyrus did. 

And then he heard snow crunching under his lord’s feet. He heard the fabric shuffle and felt how his brother came closer to him. 

He closed his eyes tighter, not daring to hope. Not daring to believe. 

And he was right to do so.

Sans was right in front of him, Papyrus could feel the familiar presence but he didn’t take the hand. 

Instead he felt how it was slapped away and abruptly he turned around staring at Sans. 

His brother stood there, right in front of him. Majestic as always. Papyrus could feel his knees shake. The stare went right to his bones.

That burning cold stare that went right into his soul. 

His legs would fail him and he let himself fall to the floor. Kneeling in front of his beloved. His body was slumped. Hood covered his head and hid his face. 

Papyrus felt as the coldness took hold of him. He wanted to wrap his arms around him to keep himself warmer but he was numb, unable to move. 

“I love you Sans.”

It was his goodbye. His farewell. The only love declaration he had never put in words. But now it didn’t matter. Those were the only words he had not spoken to Sans but meant the most to him. 

He wanted to get up, to take a shortcut out of Sans life but he felt too weak, his vision was blurry. 

He needed to move.

A tug on his arm startled him.

“I know that”

Was the uncharacteristic calm and quiet voice of his brother.

And then he felt the familiar warmth as Sans fingers, his bare bones, took his own. Sans held the hand lightly before he waved their fingers together.

In surprise Papyrus looked up, straight into his Sans eyes.

“That was the only thing I was always certain of.”

A little smile, so full of sadness and regret hushed over his face. 

“Considering what you have done to me and that I told you love hurts, yourself and the one you feel for, you must love me a lot …”

Papyrus felt his sins heavy on his back.

Sans looked to the side closing his eyes for a moment and again that bittersweet smile returned.

“Well, only shows that I am always right huh?”

He didn’t really want a response and Papyrus would not give one either.

Papyrus waited for Sans to let go of his hand to tell him farewell. His instincts told him to hold on to the hand so it couldn’t let go, but he wouldn’t. He would not hold Sans down. Would not hold him back. 

“Papyrus.”

The taller tried to prepare himself for what was to come. But nothing could have prepared him for that.

“I am sorry.”

The younger siblings eyes widened in disbelieve.

It was not a denial. It was not “I am sorry, I can’t be with you.” it was an apology. 

What did Sans apologize for?

“I have not always treated you right. I have done many mistakes. But I was always too proud, too stubborn to admit it. To properly apologise even though I should have done so many, many times.”

He looked to the side.

“I am your older brother. I should protect you, keep you from harm and make you happy. I failed you. I failed you in any aspect I possibly could.”

Papyrus wanted to disagree but Sans only lifted his hand to silence him.

“I am truly sorry for what I did. Maybe if I had been there for you, maybe if I had been better I could have prevented all the disaster that has happened between us, could have prevented this from tearing us apart.”

His gaze wandered to the ground before his back straightened again and he looked directly into Papyrus eyes.

“But that is in the past. I am truly sorry. I hope you can forgive me for all that I have put you through.” 

He made a pause.

“Maybe you can be stronger than me because I can’t forgive you. It’s not just that I can’t, even if I could, I won’t forgive you what you have done.”

So many emotions crashed through Papyrus and he couldn’t hold on to even one because they changed so fast. 

Yes Sans had said he would not forgive him. Papyrus didn’t even expect him to, so what was his brother going at right now?

“While you were gone I almost went crazy at the thought of having you lost forever…”

Sans wanted to say more, he opened his mouth with several attempts but the words just wouldn’t come to him so he stopped, just caressed with his thumb the hand in his own before he tried to speak again.

“I had a lot of time to think. Even with the constant threat of you turning against me, of repeating what you did. of doing something equally cruel, because I know you are very capable of finding horrendous ways of hurting others. Despite all that I realised: It doesn’t matter.

I don’t care.”

He looked up, holding the hand a little tighter.

“I need to be with you. I want to be with you. Even if it breaks me. I’d rather live a life with the constant fear of you than living it without you.”

Papyrus didn’t grasp the full meaning of the words. But he saw how his brother began to shake, how his breath came out in hot huffs. And he just stared directly into his eyes. Catching his gaze and holding it tight. Just like he always did with him.

“It wouldn’t be a life without you in it. You are what makes it worth living. You are my colors. You always will be-”

Sang grip turned almost painful and his sockets sparkled with unshed tears.

“-the most important thing in my life.”

Papyrus didn’t want to cry. Not again. But hearing Sans words was more than he could bear. His whole body shook and rattled from loud sobs that he tried to suppress. 

Their matching scars were visible on both of their intertwined fingers.

Seeing his brothers so broken and devastated, willing to give it all up and put his life into Papyrus hands was more than he could handle. But he didn’t get a chance to do much because the next moment he felt how Sans body pressed against him. Requesting to be hugged from him. To be held by Papyrus and he would not deny Sans that. He took his free arm and cradled Sans protectively closer to his chest. 

They stood there, Papyrus still on his knees, saying nothing.

Sans was aware that Papyrus wanted to swear to him to the stars and all there was that it would be all different now. He had never been more thankful that Papyrus was quiet. He had heard enough. There were too many words broken and without any value to them. He didn’t want to hear promises that would wake his hope only for those hopes to be shattered the moment that promise was broken. I had happened far too many times. 

They stayed like this, just breathing the other in. Feeling their souls beat in tandem, searching for the other, reaching out. The urge was so strong, it made Papyrus interrupt the embrace to reach for his soul, without any hesitation he gave it to Sans.

Then, after what felt like an eternity, he felt Papyrus shift and let go of him to fondle at his sweater.

Before Sans could really register what he was up to he saw the orange soul in the others hand. Sans looked dazzled to Papyrus. Papyrus had never offered his soul again after the first time. Sans knew why. He had hurt that soul and that was a pain Papyrus could not deal with. 

In utter disbelieve he looked into Papyrus eyes. And for the first time in ages they were not just hollow holes. They were alive and fierce and filled with … determination and a burning passion that would have scared Sans if it wasn’t so soothing and comforting to see his brother with such a liveliness. 

Looking back from the others soul and the brightly shining eyes Sans slowly lifted his hands, letting go of Papyrus other hand unwillingly. But even less he wanted to drop that soul or hurt it ever again. His hands were shaking, showing his nervousness of taking Papyrus soul on to him. 

The moment it was given to him he felt so many new emotions he had never felt in Papyrus before. He had known Papyrus had changed but feeling that his core had been changed so fundamentally was thrilling, unbelievable and special in a way he had never known before. 

He felt his own soul yearning, aching for the others to be closer. So he gave in to that craving. He lowered his hand and let the soul come together in his ribcage. 

It was such an all-consuming feeling. He didn’t know how Papyrus could have handled that all the times before.

It was Sans first time allowing Papyrus soul to be inside him. He felt complete in a sense he had never known before. 

“I don’t want to ever be without you.”

Sans admitted.

“I will never leave you unless you want me to.”

Was Papyrus response. And this time Sans smiled happily. Like the one Papyrus remembered from times long, long ago. Papyrus felt himself pulled into a warm hug. Strange how suddenly Sans could make him feel warmth. 

Sans wrapped his arms tighter around Papyrus who felt wetness drop onto his head. When he looked up he saw his brother crying. But that was not what let his soul shine the brightest it ever had. It was those blue eyes. A dark blue, full of hopem full of dreams. A blue like the night sky and just like that star sprinkled sky those eyes sparkled. 

He would never again let anything happen to that feeling he registered from his brother. He wanted Sans to be able to show his true colors. Around him. Around everyone. Without any risk to it. And he wanted those eyes, so similar to the open sky, to be able to see them on their own. 

He would protect his brother.

He would fight for Sans.

He would live, die and breathe for his love.

And he would take on the responsibility to make him happy, no matter what that meant for himself

He would make him happy.

That was all that really mattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How the puppy became the guarddog.
> 
> Because closure is important, there will be one short chapter showing the aftermath of the happenings in Underswap.


	5. Chapter 3.5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone pays a visit to Swapfell and wants to "talk" to Papyrus. It does not end as expected.

Papyrus and Sans lived in silence with each other, there was much left unsaid but neither would address it. Sans became Papyrus shadow, followed him everywhere and made sure he stayed within his reach.  
Two days after Papyrus returned and found Sans his machine came to life. At that time he was not around to witness who was visiting him.  
This was soon to change since only a few hours later Papyrus was greeted with the sight of his hoodie wearing counterpart. As usual Sans was with him and not the least perturbed by the sudden appearance.  
Since they didn’t speak, Papyrus hadn’t told his lord that he had been in Underswap mere days ago. And also not what he had almost repeated there…  
Seeing his doppelganger standing there, with his cigarette almost burned down, Papyrus was sure to know why he was here and actually surprised that so far everything was peaceful.  
Before Papyrus had a chance to say a word Sans already took it into his own hands to solve the mystery of their unexpected visitor.  
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? THIS IS NO UNIVERSE FOR FLUFFY MONSTERS LIKE YOURSELF.”  
Papyrus knew, even if Sans would not admit it that he had in fact a soft spot for the other Papyrus.  
Taking the last breath from his cigarette the other Papyrus flipped it away into the snow, breathed out the smoke before he began his answer.  
“I told you before, I am not as fluffy as you make it out to be. You might figure that out sooner than later because I have something to settle with your dog.”  
Even if it didn’t sound like it the fondness was on both sides. If it wasn’t for Sans, Papyrus was sure the other him would have already tried to rip him apart.  
“I would actually rather talk with your pet alone for this … conversation.”  
Sans took a short glance to the side, eying Papyrus before he responded.  
“MY BROTHER IS MY RESPONSIBILITY SO WHATEVER BUSYNESS YOU HAVE TO SETTLE WITH HIM IS MY BUSYNESS.”  
This gave a little sting to Papyrus soul. Even after all, even with them drifting apart Sans still cared about him and still would take it on him to make all of Papyrus wrongs right. But this one was not Sans battle and would neither be his if he played it right. Either way he had to intervene and at least try to get Sans out of here.  
“sans,”  
Papyrus started timidly.  
“i really think it might be better if you leave. i will tell you why later but for now could you please just go home?”  
Sans frowned, sighed and started to pinch his nose ridge.  
“What bullshit did you do this time?”  
Sans asked just so loud that the other one could not hear it.  
Papyrus didn’t respond to that but instead his words became more insistent as soon as he saw how his other self shifted his stance.  
“Sans step back”  
“why should I?”  
Sans replied, also registering the others movement.  
“He can’t be worse than you.”  
With a bitter grin and sad eyes he faced Papyrus before he carelessly stepped forward towards the other version of his brother.  
“Yes he can!”  
Papyrus stated with a dark voice and at those words Sans stopped.  
He turned around in disbelieve  
“He can?”  
This was hard for Sans to believe. How could this version be worse than his Papyrus. That just didn’t make sense.  
“I know what I am talking about so … please just stay away from him.”  
While the two brothers had their little discussion the other Papyrus got impatient.  
“Alright, if you want to stay for this that is your decision.”  
Turning to Papyrus he continued.  
“I guess you know why I am here?”  
Papyrus only nodded. He had nothing to say and was not sure where this would be going and how he could make sure that it would not get out of hand for all of them. After no further reaction came from Papyrus the other simply continued.  
“I knew there was something wrong with you, but I had pity with you. I let you in my house and trusted you and you almost took away what is most important to me.”  
He spoke calmly but it was easy enough to see how his magic was brooding within him and barely held back anger was shown only in his eyes.  
The wording of the other made Papyrus flinch before he shrugged and nonchalantly said: “Hm, yeah, pretty bad that you can’t even trust yourself. But even sadder is the fact that I think you are only pissed because I almost got what you so desperately want.”  
He could see the faintest trace of shame, both knew it was not the entire truth but it was part of the truth that the other Papyrus was not willing to admit and deal with.  
“Did your brother tell you what happened?”  
“No, actually he didn’t. But I read his blogs and even though he wrote nothing specific it was easy to read out of it what had almost happened.”  
Even with the distance between them both brothers could feel the crackle of magic in the air. No attack was formed, not even an attack position was given but the atmosphere of danger was unmistakeably there.  
Papyrus stepped forward, getting in front of his brother. His posture changed the moment he did: he straightened his back and his voice turned louder.  
“So you are pissed that I almost took your brothers virginity while you are too cowardly to do so?”  
This seemed not to be what the other was expecting because his eyes went wide and no response was given.  
“Well, you know what is the funniest part of the whole mess I have almost made? Your brother would have let me. He would have wanted to because I am similar to you. Because he wants you so badly but you are too blind or too stupid to see it. But since he is your older brother he would never use it against you. He would never pressure you into something you might feel obliged to do. So he just pushes his own feelings aside. Just like you …”  
He made a pause. Let his words weight heavy before he continued  
“But unlike you his soul is not tainted. He can live with the fact that you two won’t be a couple without going crazy. You on the other hand …”  
He made a pause again underlining his statement with a distinct move of his hands.  
“You will snap in due time. And you will do horrible things. Not just to your brother. You will snap to a point of no turning back and not stop at your own universe.”  
At those nonchalantly spoken words the other looked in utter shock and disbelieve.  
“How would you know that?”  
The other Papyrus shouted.  
“Because I have seen it.”  
Papyrus responded sombre.  
“So how about you will finally get your feelings straight and do the right thing before you do something you will regret. As I said, your little blueberry would have let me fuck him but he is a sappy romantic, as you should know, and he wants you to be his first.”  
There was dead silence between them  
“What do you mean you have seen it?”  
That was Sans throwing himself into the conversation.  
“i… I have been to those universes. but it was far too late. So I hope maybe this way I can make it better for them.”  
He didn’t mention that Sans actually had almost been abducted as well. That was a can of worms that he was incredibly glad his brother was not aware of. Though … he had a feeling they would have to talk about that too. That was: if they ever really talked again.  
For more pressing matters he directed his attention back to his counterpart.  
“So, instead of coming here, trying to hurt me for something that didn’t even happen, you should see to it that you won’t make something happen that will make my deeds seem like acts of an angel.”  
The other version of Papyrus didn’t move. He looked frozen, like he was still processing and trying to get to a solution from the information he just received.  
“WHAT KIND OF A SICK TWISTED BASTARD ARE YOU?”  
Sans asked incredulously. If his own brother’s acts could be described as nice then what was the other Papyrus capable of?  
The other Papyrus was more than taken aback. This was nothing he had expected to have to deal with. Sure he had fantasies and ideas but … he would not let something bad happen … would he?  
Sans shouting got him back to reality and into the situation at hand. Though before he could even form words to respond to that this Papyrus already continued talking.  
“So what I suggest you do is: go back home! Talk to your brother. Be honest. He deserves to know. Everything will be fine that way.”  
Silence spread between the three parties.  
Neither moved.  
The tension was almost palpable.  
Finally the other found some words far less energetic and fierce than before, it was barely more than a mumbled whisper.  
“but you-“  
“What I did is of no importance for your situation. I was desperate, losing my mind on more than one occasion and what I try to do now is to help you not to lose yours and what’s important you.”  
He looked to the ground, this was getting so personal and emotional. Papyrus only hoped the other would leave soon.  
“You need each other. If you are aware of it or not doesn’t matter; you belong together one way or another.”  
For that part he did not just talk about the swap brother’s relationship. It was more than just a little applicable for himself and his brother.  
Again silence filled the air.  
Then, to everyone’s surprise the intruder finally gave in.  
“… I … think I will … go home then.”  
The other Papyrus seemed more than a little shocked. After some struggling with disbelieve he seemed to accept that the words had some truth to it even if he least of all wanted to admit that to himself. Papyrus could not blame him, but the things he has seen … and the implications of what he has seen was more horrible than even he could imagine. They were too much alike. He would probably do the same at some point in time under the right circumstances. But he had his lord taking control of him. He would keep him in check if needed. But he didn’t want that his brother would need to.  
They only blinked once and the orange hooded figure was gone.  
For the utmost time silence filled the cold air before it was Sans breaking it.  
“What were you talking about?”  
Papyrus really didn’t want to tell him. But he had to.  
So first he explained what the other was capable to do. How he abducted the Sanses from Underfell and Undertale and then did unspeakable things to them. If Sans was any bit surprised he didn’t show it but his first response was:  
“This is horrifying but not surprising at all. It’s only surprising that that fucker from the fluffy universe has no excuse for being such a disgusting creature.”  
“That is when love turns into something very ugly.”  
Papyrus muttered. He should know about that.  
“And what about the thing that almost happened?”  
Papyrus really didn’t want to tell that either.  
He did it anyway. There was no turning back. When he was finished Sans just stood up and started walking. Hurrying after him Papyrus didn’t dare to address him.  
Before they reached the bridge Sans stopped. With the howling wind swirling around them Sans stood still at the abyss.  
“So you were capable to stop yourself from raping the blueberry…”  
It was a statement not a question  
“yes …”  
He knew what Sans thought. His Sans had very difficult feelings towards that Sans and knowing that Papyrus was able to stop himself from harming that version while he still violated his Sans was only emphasising the feeling of being inferior to the other.  
To his surprise his brother turned around with a slight smile.  
“Well, maybe I haven’t done so much wrong when even the better and more pure version of me has such a disgusting terrifying brother.”  
It was not the subject they were talking about but Papyrus would most certainly not point that out. It was incredible how his lord was capable to see the bright side in this whole disaster that were their relationships.  
They began walking again and the feeling that the topic was not over didn’t betray him.  
“So, you like the berry better than me?”  
Papyrus answer was more than immediate and with an intensity unusual for him.  
“Of course not!”  
It was true. As great and amazing as the other version was, it could never compete with the god-like being of his brother.  
Papyrus threw himself to the ground.  
“You are my everything, my stars, my god, my lord! You are a force of nature and I will try to live to please your every will because you know so much better than I do.”  
He spoke with a burning passion and intensity unknown to himself, but as he spoke the words even to him they sounded hollow. He meant them with all his soul but still they seemed like learned phrases. He understood why Sans would not turn around.  
That was when Papyrus decided, if his words didn’t have any impact he should not try to express something with them that was important.  
Actions speak louder than words as they say and so far all of his actions have proven to be egoistical and disastrous for Sans. Not a single deed had been in Sans best interest. And while he would never say something negative about his lord, his action have certainly been more than a little destructive.  
It was about time he changed that.  
It was time to prove his worth and that he really loved Sans as much as he always thought he did. 

\---

At home Papyrus didn’t know how to address the matter. He wasn’t even sure if his other self had spoken the truth. But … if he had he needed to avoid the potential outcome at all cost. And … maybe Sans really did reciprocate his feelings … maybe he suffered just as much as Papyrus did. And that would simply be the worst.  
He didn’t waste any time and simply went to the kitchen where Sans was already preparing Tacos for dinner.  
Standing in the doorframe his grip burying into the wood he thought of how do begin, of what he could say. He simply went for the first thing that popped to his mind. That always was on his mind.  
“Sans! I love you!”  
The smaller turned around. His eternal smile on his face.  
“I know Papy, I love you too.”  
It was a simple matter of fact. But it was not the love Papyrus meant, not the one he wanted to address right now. With a lump in his throat he decided to just make it as blatant as possible, hoping the other really was right about it, because otherwise this could be the worst thing he has ever done.  
Making a few steps forward until he reached Sans he let himself drop to the floor.  
Surprised by the movement and sudden closeness Sans gave his brother his full attention and could not hide a hint of worry on his face.  
“Sans … it’s not that I just love you. I … want to be yours. And you to be mine.”  
Looking at his smaller brother he could see with each passing second how understanding began to show on his face.  
It was not the joyful face of mutual feelings Papyrus had hoped for but neither did he step away in disgust.  
“Hm Papy you seem to be a little confused, that is perfectly normal you are young and sometimes feelings can mess with your head.”  
Sans was in full older brother mode and Papyrus became desperate.  
“NO SANS! Don’t do that to me! I know what I am feeling. I just need to know if you feel the same! Because if you do …”  
He trailed off, trying his best not to say anything that would make his brother feel obliged to answer in a certain direction. He just wanted his other self to be right.  
Slowly Sans cradled Papyrus into a hug. Tears started to well up in him. He wasn’t sure what this was about. He knew the other wanted to comfort him but all he really needed was an answer.  
“Yes, I want you too!”  
The words were barely more than a whisper but Papyrus heard them loud and clear.  
He didn’t really know what he felt. He didn’t want to question those words. He just wanted to take them accept them and enjoy the feeling of happiness rushing through his body.  
When he looked up he saw his brother smiling and in tears.  
“I didn’t want to tell you, or ask you I was fine just being with you. But, if you really mean it, if you really love me like I do that would make me so happy.”  
Papyrus couldn’t hold back any longer. He swept the smaller one off his feet swirled them both around before he pulled him into a light kiss.  
And this kiss was magical. It was like it was always meant to be. Sans little hands gripped at his hoody, trying to hold onto Papyrus as best he could.  
When they parted both looked at each other in contentment. Both radiating joy and love.  
Their souls were yearning for the others and pulling them closer still.  
They had finally broken their last barrier and now could be the way they truly wanted to be.  
Now they could finally be happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am such a sucker for happy ends :)  
> Very obviously I am refering to the fic "Replacements" by idontevenknowugh because every time I think my Papyrus is bad I think about that one and am like : "meh it could be worse."

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to do it all in one chapter and I wanted to post this after finishing all the other open plotlines. But alas I failed.  
> The "heartbreaking" tag amused me very much.


End file.
